One of the nursery staff who saw this warned them “if you throw stones, you’ll hit the dog”.  The next minute they picked up another handful and did the same thing again.  You could see the disbelief on the adult’s face.

Yet as I walked past them (both me and my dog Jess unscathed) I realised that what she had meant to say was “don’t throw stones as you’ll hit and hurt the doggie”.  But she didn’t say that.  She had stated a fact, not an instruction or guidance. Even though she had used a tone that might warn them not to do it, the words were factual.  It made me ponder on the thought that when we communicate with kids, sometimes what we say and what we think we have said are really different.

Clear Communication

I read a wonderful book called ‘how to talk so children list and how to listen so children talk”.  When I read it I realised that it was helping adults to both talk and listen more clearly thus helping their children communicate too.  In fact when I read it I remember thinking “lots of relationships could really benefit from this – including mine!”

I’ve noticed that when we communicate with children who have autism, this is a lesson in being clear and specific -  really saying what we mean.  If you watch Sheldon in The Big Bang Theory – you’ll have a funny, yet strong example of how important it is to communicate clearly! I’ve often heard that children who are on the spectrum don’t understand irony or sarcasm.  However I believe that lots of children don’t understand this.  It’s an adult perspective and usually born of cynicism (why would we want to teach our children this anyway!)  It’s not helpful when we are trying to teach our children clear communication skills.

Communication – the influence of perception

Perception can also play a large part in our communication (and listening skills).  You may have noticed this already when you read certain emails and depending on how you feel, it can really colour your interpretation of the words.  Whether the words are spoken or written, how you hear and interpret them has a lot to do with where you are and how you are feeling at that moment.

Mindful Communication

Mindfulness is a wonderful tool to learn and teach our children as it shows us how to recognise when our emotions are colouring our perception of the facts.  Mindfulness helps us recognise when we are projecting our own feelings or fears onto another person.  When we are able to recognise this, we can communicate (talking and listening) much more clearly.

Children may be too young at first to learn mindfulness, but if we practise it, then it helps us to stay present and help us perceive the facts rather than become involved in the heat or emotion of the tantrum or tears that our children are using to express their emotions.

As children get older, we can teach them mindfulness skills so that they too can learn how to communicate clearly, helping them feel that they are heard and understood.

Perhaps we can consider that by being clearer in our communication then our children are really teaching us to be mindful.  Both adult and child are experiencing a useful lesson.

I’ve found that simply repeating the following phrase with a single, deeper breath (especially when buttons are being pressed) is a way for me to be mindful before, during and after I communicate (and listen)…

“breathing in I know I am breathing in, breathing out I know I am breathing out”

Namaste

If you would like to take part in the research (there are a limited number of places) Please complete the form below. The information from the case studies will be published (anonymously) in my book.

Application deadline is 28th February 2013.

This teacher, through his own ways, is giving children the opportunity to

• recognise their feelings, let them come to the surface and pass
• to feel the feelings of others
• to know what feeling empathy and compassion is
• and speaking the truth to oneself as well as others.

So many amazing life lessons in one classroom!

It made me think about why we teach children meditation.   Perhaps our motives (as the adult) are to help our children  behave better and to be more polite and kind.  Perhaps we want them to do their homework, or to go to sleep when we ask them to.  Whilst these benefits are wonderful – perhaps we should also  consider that by  teaching them meditation, children learn to recognise, feel and be present with their emotions.    Meditation can teach them awareness of their feelings so that they aren’t ruled by them as they get older ( can you think of any adults you know who fly off the handle at the slightest thing?)

Processing Change

Often when we have big changes in our lives, we forget that children are experiencing them too through their feelings and thoughts.  However we might think they are too young or small to be affected by these changes.  A change of home, someone in the family dying or with ill health, parents divorcing etc etc.  When these things happen, children feel not only their own feelings but they also feel the energy of the feelings of people around them.  They observe the tears, unhappiness and pain that people experience and they usually feel helpless and unable to express what they are feeling.  Sometimes as adults we forget to ‘check in’ to see how children are when these changes take place.

Buried Feelings Coming to the Surface

I had an interesting conversation with someone recently who told me that her daughter was quite young when her husband (the girl’s father) had died.  They thought she was okay and coping until a year later, almost to the day, she  started having anxiety attacks and didn’t want to go to school.  When they sat down to chat about it – all these emotions about her dad dying came pouring out.

Meditation and Emotions

Meditation isn’t a fast track way of processing strong emotions and feelings nor deferring them.  But it is a way to help us learn how to recognise them as they happen and to accept them as normal for whatever circumstances we are in.  I often think that meditation teaches our children that they have permission to feel and think what they are feeling – that it is okay.  That they are simply being human.

If we chat with children after a meditation to find out what they experience we might find that what they want to share is a reflection of what they have had to process – parts of their lives they didn’t understand or are trying to make sense off.

Whilst this video isn’t about meditation per se, it is about teaching children awareness and of being aware of themselves and their feelings in each moment and sharing this so they can live with more empathy and compassion for themselves as well as others.

I was really inspired by this video and I wanted to share it with you.

Namaste

The meditation is based on this beautiful picture of the chakras (energy centres) that can be useful to work with in meditation.

The meditation is recorded by me (Lorraine Murray) and there are 2 minutes of an introduction followed by a meditation that lasts about 14 minutes.

Meditation Tips

If you have really young children then encourage them to lie down so they are more grounded (more contact with the floor).  The same applies if your children are really restless.  If they are a little bit older and can sit reasonably still – sit cross legged with them on the floor – eyes closed and just listen!

As we are using colours in this meditation, it might be a good idea to show them the picture and get them to know the colours first.  Or if your child isn’t great with colours and prefers numbers or shapes – ask them to associate a number or shape with a colour and they can think about this instead in the meditation.

Feedback

It would be wonderful if you could share any feedback with us – either on this post or by emailing …

Namaste

More Meditations…

If you enjoy the meditation – we have more available on our children/teenager meditation cds (ones for adults too) on at our online shop >>>

When I wrote the book Calm Kids, I wanted it to be a starting point for many adults so they could free their own intuition and creativity and apply the type of approach to meditation that worked for them (teaching it) and for their children (learning it) so it was an enjoyable experience for both.  If there is one thing I can guarantee – meditation isn’t fixed but is a fluid experience that changes every single time you sit down to experience it.  It is the same when you teach it too.

Challenging Opinions

I few months ago I posted a link on our facebook page Teach Children Meditation, which was about different healing mantras that children could use to help them feel calmer.  What a difference of opinion this generated!  Oh my word!  We had many who enthusiastically embraced the idea of teaching their children this.  Then I had one or 2 comments about how this was a load of baloney and if we wanted meditation to be taken seriously we shouldn’t even mention nor touch anything that was so ‘out there’.  In this person’s eyes using sound mantras in meditation reduced its credibility in the eyes of the scientist and logical thinker.

Hmmmmm…. (I thought to myself).

Finding the (Bigger Picture) Answer

At first I was annoyed at this person.  Spouting out there opinions as if they were right and everyone else was wrong.  Then I did what I always do… I meditated on it.  When I do this I realise that the challenge (which it was) was to help me learn.  To notice these strong emotions it provoked in me, to forgive myself for them (rather than giving myself a hard time for not being perfect) and to look at the bigger lesson I had to learn.

I realised that it was important for us to gather what information we could about how using sound in meditation can be measured so that it can help those who haven’t experienced it (yet) see how powerful and effective it was.   So I posted a request on our page for any evidence of such information and people started listing links to research and information which were helping to show how effective sound is in meditation.

In every challenge or difficult situation, there is an opportunity to learn and grow.  I suppose I wanted to share this with you in case you have been trying to teach your children meditation and felt you weren’t doing it right or disappointed in the results.  Try what I did… meditate on the issue and see what your children are trying to help you learn.

Namaste.

(here’s some of the links!) - Meditation Research into Sound  

 Healing Sound Mantra

They are Halloween ‘mummy’ cupcakes.  How creative!

However it got me thinking.  To celebrate the upcoming launch of our Calm Kids online course which helps you learn how to teach children meditation – we are announcing a cupcake competition!

If you can make a cupcake that helps us think of ‘Calm Kids’ (you can use your imagination to embrace the idea of meditation/peace etc) and then post it on to our  facebook page (Teach Children Meditation).  It will be decided by the number of likes it receives from our fans.  Prizes are decided in order of number of most likes…

First prize – a free place on our Calm Kids online course  – release date 21st October 2012.
Second prize – a copy of our Calm Kids book (paperback and signed by the author)
Third prize – a copy of either our Crystal Clear cd for kids or Chillzone for teenagers (meditation CDs for children).

You must have your entries posted on our facebook page above no later than midnight 21st October 2012 and we’ll announce the winners on 31st October 2012.

Happy baking!

(Rules – you can only post your photo once on our facebook page to qualify.  Encourage likes by sharing with friends.  Children must be involved in helping with the baking process!   Only one prize per winner.  No prizes are exchangeable for cash).

(Photo via https://www.facebook.com/autismallstars)

Kindle Version now available! >>>

We are really excited about this as we are bringing out a Calm Kids online course (soon) to complement the book.  If you want to be on the waiting list for the online course release, please register your interest

Have a great day!

It will be fascinating to hear how about the results of the research and perhaps how this can influence the diagnosis and teaching of children with autism and how we support them in the world.

Kite Flying

What struck me (near the end of the programme) was a mother and her autistic son flying a kite.  This was a significant achievement for both of them but it was the symbolism of the kite that (for me) represented our journey with children who have autism.

I felt that children with autism are that kite.  They have a link (the string) to the earth, their parents and the world – but it is a slim connection.  Their view of the world is from a very different (higher) perspective and they struggle with our lower, grounded perspective (eg reading emotions, coping through the senses and communicating).  They have this slim, grounded connection but their development depends on who is holding the string and how they support that kite’s (the child’s) journey.

We equally struggle to understand the perspective of children with autism and what the see/feel and experience. We don’t know what it’s like to see the world in this way and we watch them and struggle to make sense of why they move and behave in the way they do

Guiding them down to earth

Sometimes we try to control them yet this doesn’t necessarily work and can sometimes can cause us to weaken the connection if we are too aggressive in our approach.  It’s as if we have to tune in to the slightest of movements of the ‘kite’s’ movements through the string so that we can help the journey – hopefully we can help guide them back down to earth, safely into this world.

Perhaps by teaching our children mindfulness and meditation we will help that process.   Our own mindfulness will help us tune in more sensitvely to their needs (and ours) and we will gently guide and be guided on this journey.

More info…

If you are interested in seeing the TV Programme – here’s the link – BBC 4 – autism and children

Here’s a useful link to resources about Autism - Autism Resources

How much do you know about Autism – Autism Quiz

First E-book…

Our publishers (Floris Books) are based in Edinburgh (in the UK) and have never ventured into the world of e-books before.  So they’ve chosen Calm Kids to be one of the first!  I hope it does well.

Calm Kids Online Course

The new e-book will really complement the online course which is currently being developed.  I’ve never produced an online course before so I’m trying to ensure it is interactive as possible – as if the book has come to life!  There will be video clips, exercises on mp3s for people to try as well as self assessment.  There will also be the option for follow up support through webinars (my new thing!) and 121 online support.

People taking the course will also need to purchase the book as it is required reading but now that it’s coming out in e-book format it will be so much easier!

Dates & Costs

We hope that the online course will be ready by the end of August/beginning of September 2012 at the latest.  If you want to be kept informed then please register your interest.

If you follow us on facebook or twitter or you want to join our mailing list then you can be kept up to date of when the e-book will be published.

I’m not sure what the cost will be for the e-book (hopefully cheaper than the paperback) and as for the online course, we’ll try to make it as accessible as possible.

‘Inviting the bell’ to sing is where a singing bowl or bell is used as a form of meditation practise. It is something we can use to help children learn mindfulness, meditation and to help improve their concentration levels.

The Bell Master
The ‘bell master’ is the person who is responsible for inviting the bell to sing. If you are working with a group of children it could be that a meditation takes place each day where a child takes their turn as a ‘bell master’. Perhaps they are recognised as the bell master for their kindness to others or good behaviour or the most progress in their school work – it’s up to you how you use this to help motivate children.

Namaste
The bell (singing bowl) sits in front of the bell master. They focus on their breath and bring their hands into Namaste (palms facing and touching – hands at the centre of their chest which is the energy of their heart centre – just like this picture on the right). They bow to the bell and in doing so they are bowing to the peaceful energy of the bell and the peaceful energy within them.

They focus on their breath and with awareness of their breath they lift the bowl with both hands (gently).

Inviting the Bell to Sing
They allow the bowl to rest in the palm of one hand (with the fingers stretched out as their fingers were petals of a flower opened out in full bloom).

With their other hand they carefully, mindfully, lift the ‘bell inviter’ (the wooden mallet used to invite the bell to sing). We show the children that we are not hitting the bell as this represents violence – instead we are inviting the bell to sing.

As they focus on their breath, they can silently or out loud (you might help them with this) repeat a little *poem to the bell;

As I breathe in I notice this beautiful bell
As I breathe out, I open my heart to the bell
As I breathe in I let my breath touch my heart to the bell
As I breathe out I ask the bell to sing and touch the hearts of others with peace

Then they bring the mallet gently to the bell to ‘awaken’ it by gently touching it. Then the next time they take the mallet more firmly to the bell, they hear the bell sing.

Breathing with the bell

When the bell is singing, you and your children can listen to it (eyes closed or open) whilst breathing with the sound. Either following the sound and thinking about it taking its vibration of peace into the world, or following the sound into their body to feel the peaceful energy within. (Some adults like to encourage children to raise their hand when they no longer hear the sound… this helps with focus and concentration).

Usually the bell is invited to sing 3 times though it’s up to you how many times you choose to do this. You can use a singing bowl or a bell.

I also found this link (which has a Buddhist perspective) but gives you an idea of how a bell is invited to sing. It’s useful to see it in action. Video of Inviting Bells to sing

I like to begin (and sometimes end) a longer meditation practise with groups using ‘inviting the bell to sing’ or it becomes a short meditation in its own right.

Alternative Mindfulness Bells

Sometimes we can use the day-to-day noise in our environment for this mindfulness of breath and sound. The school bell (before everyone moves), an ambulance siren, a timed ring on a mobile phone, a door bell, a bird singing… choosing one to work with and when hearing this stopping somewhere safe (sitting or standing, closing their eyes and noticing their breath and the sound).

Useful Resources

Video of Inviting Bells to sing
Singing Bowl CD - This is a CD I like to play with the singing bowls (and I find it very helpful sometimes with children who are on the Autistic Spectrum in helping them feel calmer)

Sound Healing in Scotland – Using sound for meditation and healing – in Scotland

*I have since found the full ‘gatha’ that is used for inviting the bell to sing…

“With body, speech and mind in perfect oneness
I send my heart along with the sound of the bell.
May all who hear it awaken from forgetfulness
And transcend all anxiety and sorrow.”